Screenwriting: Action Scenes

Today I've found an action scene in Stranger Things (the Pilot script), which I shall compare with a similar scene from The Slugs of Doom, one of my scripts.

Slugs of doom action scene

Stranger Things action scene

The Slugs of Doom script is again much wordier than Stranger Things. Today I am going to try and condense my writing, make it pithier, perhaps halve the number of words.

I will also look at some other action scenes as I'm sure there are as many approaches as there are screenwriters. Suggestions welcome! (The moderator is on!)

Line of Duty action scene

This scene has a fair amount of description of the action very clearly setting out what happens. Does The Slugs of Doom tell rather than show? I'm not sure. I think I could replace some of the verbs (walks, runs, rushes) I guess. Need to think more about this one.